Being Friends with Benefits

At some point many people wonder how to have a friend with benefits. They don't want any strings attached or the complicated relationship, but sooner or later feelings tend to develop and things get messy. How can one accomplish this feat? How can you satisfy those physical desires yet keep your emotions out of the mix?

Language is the key! Or I should rephrase that, a lack of language is key! It would be ideal if the person spoke a different language. But if that is unlikely, than avoid talking much, just let your bodies do the communicating. This is not the person to be asking for help with an administrative assistant resume. The more you have conversations about anything more in-depth than how the weather is; things could begin to grow sticky. Also never use the words "we" or "us" because it implies that you are together, which you are avoiding. While at it, refrain from any talk of future plans other than a bed within the next few hours.

Socializing together should be forbidden. You are your own person with your own life. They are their own person with their own life. Your two lives should only be combining in the bedroom. Don't introduce this person to friends; avoid talking about them to make it even easier! Never introduce them to family. This friend with benefits is your dirty little secret; you might want to keep that to yourself so word doesn't spread about what a great friend they are indeed. 

Meals are a great opportunity for intellectually stimulating conversation, so avoid them! Remember that this person is just there for one thing, so that's all they should get. The only thing you could be sharing is a bowl of peanuts at the bar while paying for your own drinks. The occasional late-night snack is acceptable if it comes in a paper bag from a drive-through window. That is as far as meals together should go, and I would advise against going out to breakfast with your friend the next morning. Use whatever excuse necessary, like you need to clip your toe nails. That would give a person of average intelligence the message you only want one thing and nothing more.