Why You Should Date Yourself

It doesn't matter which stage of life you are in, committed relationship, single, or married. Everyone is in such a rush to get through life. Kids need to be picked up, your workload is never ending, and there is an endless amount of cleaning to get done at home. Everyone should go out on a date, even if it's alone. A real solo date isn't just relaxing on the couch with a bucket of ice cream and reruns of Sex in the City. Dress yourself up and take yourself out to a fun evening! And here's why!

• You can do everything you want! There is no consideration for what the other person likes because there is no other person. If you want just an appetizer and a cocktail for dinner that is perfectly fine! If you want to see that chick flick that is fine too!
• Get over your fear of being in public alone. You are independent and have loads of self-confidence, or at least you're working on it. This is a good step on building that confidence. 
• You can have more fun alone! No one to hog up your bowl of popcorn or judging you as you enjoy that dessert.
• You can dress however you want! I love strutting around in my wild zebra print heels that my ex hated. I know I look hot with the smoky eye makeup and pink lipstick. Use your camera phone to check your own teeth after eating. 
• Who is more interesting than yourself? The "I don't know" game is over! No one is there to read your mind of where to go or what to do. You can reflect upon what you really want, like how to become a fashion designer. 
• You can people watch for amusement. I get lots of ideas and inspiration on fashion just by people watching on a Saturday night in the middle of town. I like watching couples interacting sometimes, it is more entertaining than reruns on TV I've already seen.

Being Friends with Benefits

At some point many people wonder how to have a friend with benefits. They don't want any strings attached or the complicated relationship, but sooner or later feelings tend to develop and things get messy. How can one accomplish this feat? How can you satisfy those physical desires yet keep your emotions out of the mix?

Language is the key! Or I should rephrase that, a lack of language is key! It would be ideal if the person spoke a different language. But if that is unlikely, than avoid talking much, just let your bodies do the communicating. This is not the person to be asking for help with an administrative assistant resume. The more you have conversations about anything more in-depth than how the weather is; things could begin to grow sticky. Also never use the words "we" or "us" because it implies that you are together, which you are avoiding. While at it, refrain from any talk of future plans other than a bed within the next few hours.

Socializing together should be forbidden. You are your own person with your own life. They are their own person with their own life. Your two lives should only be combining in the bedroom. Don't introduce this person to friends; avoid talking about them to make it even easier! Never introduce them to family. This friend with benefits is your dirty little secret; you might want to keep that to yourself so word doesn't spread about what a great friend they are indeed. 

Meals are a great opportunity for intellectually stimulating conversation, so avoid them! Remember that this person is just there for one thing, so that's all they should get. The only thing you could be sharing is a bowl of peanuts at the bar while paying for your own drinks. The occasional late-night snack is acceptable if it comes in a paper bag from a drive-through window. That is as far as meals together should go, and I would advise against going out to breakfast with your friend the next morning. Use whatever excuse necessary, like you need to clip your toe nails. That would give a person of average intelligence the message you only want one thing and nothing more.

Overlooking apperance

Some of the greatest guys have had some bad luck. Not everyone has been graced with a model's body and appearance. Even some models have a terrible personality and attitude, but that is part of life. Everyone is different and has different personalities and looks. That is part of what makes dating interesting, some of the prettiest girls can have the darkest hearts, while some of the less than average guys could be prince charming in disguise.

I know one guy who had many facial surgeries as a child, it left him with terrible scars and as he grew his jaw bone got messed up too. He was a quiet guy that kept to himself, but was very funny and sweet once you got to know him. Throughout the last few years we lost contact, but I was surprised to get a phone call from him the other day. He told me that he had signed up for the U.S. Army and his life has turned around. He is working on following the career of his dreams, becoming a US border agent. He also got the body he always wanted. The Army also paid for surgery to help him with his jaw and all of the scaring. He looks like a totally different man, and it has made him a more confidant man in life. He said he wants to reconnect with people that knew him before his transformation because they are the ones that had seen past his appearance.

My sister recently accepted a date with a guy whom she said had some bad luck with his teeth. He is nervous and self-conscious about his appearance, but she told him that as long as he is a nice guy and has his stuff together, she'll give him a chance. I was proud to hear that from her, she also said he gave her the details of how his teeth got messed up and how he is saving to get them fixed. He sounds like a great guy; I hope it works out for her.

One of my exes’s had some teeth issues as well. We were young and he made a mistake that ended the relationship, but as we have grown older we became friends again. He was always nervous about his teeth, he didn't have the money to get them fixed and it impacted his attitude. He was lucky to get a job in another state that offered benefits and he was able to get his teeth fixed like he has always wanted. I am glad to see how just a small fix like getting his teeth fixed up had increased his confidence, which improved other things in his life as well.

Appearance is important, don't get me wrong. I know there must be some physical attraction to the person you are going on a date with, but it isn't everything. Some things are small and aren't worth worrying over. At the end of the day, try to overlook someone's appearance and give them a chance to show you their personality and what makes them a great person.

Cheaters

Last week I was shocked to discover that the guy I was seeing was cheating on me. After dealing with the situation and ending the relationship, I wondered how I will get over this cheater.

Everyone copes with cheating differently. Some people carry the guilt and burden with them, wondering if they did something to contribute to their lover cheating on them. I know in my heart I did nothing wrong except be too nice and generous until he crossed the line. Some women carry anger towards men in general after being cheated on once, or repeatedly.

Here is how to deal with the situation once the relationship has ended and you are trying to move on.
Realize that all of the feelings you are feeling are natural. Everyone has felt a wide variety of feelings for varying amounts of time. Ultimately however, your feelings are yours. You can own them.

I believe that obviously they are the one who had the problem of keeping their pants on and couldn't talk to you about it prior. At first I felt rage, I imagined smashing his car up similar to the music video Before He Cheats. I decided that spending the night in jail wasn't worth it and watched some Sex and the City instead. After calming down the next day I realized that he has the problem, because I heard that this isn't the first time he has cheated.

One of the wisest questions someone asked me was "What can you learn from this experience?" They reminded me that there is no going back and fixing the past. You also can't control someone's feelings or actions. The only thing you can control is YOUR thoughts, feelings, and actions. This was another opportunity to learn from in the road of life.

After one week, I've learned that he has the problem. He made the choice to act upon his thoughts. I will not hold this one situation against all men, there has to be someone out there in the world for me that will have more respect for me. I'm a dignified woman with major plans for my life. Soon I will begin working on my online master’s degree. One day when I am old, rich, and surrounded by loving family I will laugh about how I imagined throwing my life away while smashing up his car in a moment of anger. I will be thankful that I didn't take that wrong path down life, and instead owned my life and it will end happily.

Romantic Dinner Date

I was inspired this week to try a romantic dinner. Usually my boyfriend and I dine from takeout boxes or plastic trays of frozen dinners, so I want to try something new like cooking.

Plan the menu:
Plan at least a 3 or 4 course meal. I would include salad, an appetizer, the main dish, and dessert. Be sure to have a bottle of wine that is recommended for your main dish.
Start with a fresh salad or soup. I enjoy Caesar salad or cheddar broccoli soup. It just depends upon what the preferences are of the couple.
Prepare an appetizer that you don't normally have. We always get mozzarella sticks, but there are so many different things to try. I would love to try a Cheese Fondue with bread and vegetables for dipping.
Try something that is creative and different from the normal dinner. I found a wonderful recipe for Beef Tenderloin with Bordelaise sauce. It has caramelized carrots, I would also include a steamed veggie, maybe an artichoke or asparagus.
Dessert should be something sweet but fresh. I have been craving fruit pizza lately! It is so easy and combines some of my favorite sweets, sugar cookie crust, cream cheese and fresh fruit. Another idea is a dessert that screams love, chocolate covered strawberries!

Set the atmosphere
Set the table with a table cloth, cloth napkins and china. I understand not wanting to spend a ton of money on dishes, after all I'm a broke student working on my online degree. But pick up some at a garage sale if needed. Also at the dollar store is a wonderful place to pick up some tall, thin, and unscented candles. You don't want the scent of the candles competing with your meal.
Pick up a few roses to put as a table center decoration. Roses are known to be romantic and will help to set the mood as well.
Dim the lights down when getting ready, be sure to light those candles too. 

One last idea to complete the romantic atmosphere is play some soft romantic music.

Interracial Dating

One of my friends recently announced that she wants to date outside of her race. She received some very shocking negative comments while also receiving some positive and supportive comments as well. I asked her why she made the choice and to announce it in such a way. She told me that she is a very strong black woman who knows herself well, but she is fed up with dating men that all share the same views and opinions. She wanted to share her idea with family and friends to get their opinions before she accepted an invitation for a date from a nice white man. After her posting she was appalled by some of the responses she received from people close to her. It makes me wonder why a person would care about the opinions of family and friends regarding interracial dating. After our conversation I was left wondering what are some reasons others decide against or in favor of interracial dating?

Some people are curious. Dating from a different race and/or culture there is often an intriguing mystery. You have to learn not only about the person but their morals, values, and customs too. A former coworker confessed to me one time that he is only attracted to Asian women because of the mystery that surrounds them. He finds Asian features very attractive. Another friend confessed that she loves dating white men because she finds them attractive, she believes the paler the better.

Some people have very deep-rooted beliefs, believing some races to be inferior to others. One friend was proud to tell me how he is racist. He was raised to believe that he is privileged because of his race, and will not date anyone outside of his race because they inferior to him. Some people have had a bad experience with another race and just write off anyone from that race. Other people may be cautious of the social stigma they could face.

I believe it is ultimately up to the person, although others could argue that who you date affects others around you. Please share your opinions about interracial dating below! 

Dating Conversation Ideas

Everyone dreads when the conversation dies with a date. Here are some ideas you can use on your next date to get the conversation restarted:

• How big is your family? What are they like? Where are your ancestors from? This could lead to another date just exploring family history together. 
• What is your favorite or dream vacation? Where would you like to travel before you die? Everyone should have dreams and be able to easily share them. 
• Are you taking any classes? What is your dream career? Ask more questions depending on their answers, like what does a forensic psychologist do?
• Inquire about their taste in music; ask if they like attending concerts. Look up any concerts coming soon and make plans for another date, or make it a group date to a concert far away. I had a blast traveling 4 hours to a concert with my boyfriend. We arranged for his cousin to go on a blind date with one of my friends, they are now married and expecting! 
• Ask them to talk about how they grew up and what types of rules they had. Maybe they had very harsh rules and strict schedule, or maybe they didn't have much parental presence. 
• Talk about firsts, like the first kiss story or first crush. Just writing this made me smile as I thought of my first kiss as a child. 
• Ask about their favorite place to shop, maybe it's Wal-Mart or maybe it's the downtown farmer's market. Ask them to show you around the store on your next date. 
• Inquire about their favorite stress reliever. Maybe when they have had a stressful day they like to hit they gym or the bar. 
• Men love talking about sports in general, so ask about their favorite sport and player. This might be a good idea for a future date! Here are some tips for guys!